You're making my baby cry
by significationary
Summary: "You thought of me long enough to tell yourself that I'd be fine, or maybe that I deserved it, if you were feeling particularly mean. You didn't think about how that would hurt Finn. You just wanted him for yourself." Faberry friendship, no slash


Finn wasn't just my boyfriend. He was the first boy I'd ever let myself love. Maybe at first it had been a relationship just based on everyone's expectations; he was the football prodigy, I was the cheerleader extraordinaire, we should date. After a couple weeks, though, he'd won me over with his puppy-dog love. He was sweet and wholesome, everything I wanted to be, and I fell for him, hard.

When Rachel told everyone the truth about my baby, I was understandably furious. Finn couldn't even look at me, Puck was hesitant to take sides, Santana was pissed I'd slept with Puck, Brittany went along with her, and the rest of Glee seemed to be disgusted with me. I had to sit by myself on the bus ride there, get ready for the stage by myself, walk alone to the stage, and waited backstage in silence while the rest of them whispered.

"Good luck out there, Quinn," Mike whispered at the last minute. He smiled encouragingly, and in that moment, his smile meant everything to me.

"You too," I whispered back, and then we were on.

I made myself smile and dance through the heartbreak. One thing I was very talented at was faking a smile; I'd been doing it all my life. I wasn't going to ruin sectionals for everyone. My needs could wait.

Not too long, though. As soon as we finished, got our trophy, and were done, I began to plan. Something had been simmering in the back of my mind throughout the competition, and I figured out the details on the bus ride back. All I needed to carry it out was a few minutes alone with Rachel. I'd destroy her.

I knew she had her own car waiting at the school for when we got back, and she'd be one of the last to leave, so I waited around until most of everyone else left McKinley for home. It wasn't hard – now there was no one looking for me. Once I was alone with her, I said sweetly, "Hey, Rachel, could you give me a ride home?"

"Well, yes. One moment. I need to say goodbye to Mr. Shu," Rachel answered somewhat nervously. "I'll be right back." Hurriedly, she left the room, but I didn't care. She'd said yes, like I knew she would. I had my chance.

We walked to her car together in silence. I was sure Rachel was beginning to feel increasingly guilty, knowing her. By the time she unlocked the doors, I was ready. The instant both car doors shut, I said, "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," she said after a second.

As if I'd buy her virginal child act. "I'm sure you know exactly what I mean. Sure, it lacked subtlety, but you got the job done. Real smooth move, Berry," I said, putting as much venom as possible into the words.

"What move are you referring to?" she tried to ask.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Your little genius move to get Finn all to yourself. Did you even think for a single second before you opened your enormous mouth?" I demanded, trying to glare directly at her, but Rachel wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Yes. I thought long and hard about revealing-"

"No, you didn't. You thought of me long enough to tell yourself that I'd be fine, or maybe that I deserved it, if you were feeling particularly mean. You didn't think about how that would hurt Finn. You just wanted him for yourself. And as for the rest of Glee, our chances at the competition? I'd be surprised if you gave any of them more than two seconds of thought. Berry, you talk a big game about teamwork, but when it comes down to it, you're not afraid to throw our entire performance on the line to get what you want."

"I… I don't-"

I didn't let her get a word in. "You are the most selfish person I've met," I said, keeping my voice low but emphasizing each word.

Rachel twisted her hands together in her lap and didn't answer for a very long time. "You have a very good reason to be upset, Quinn, but perhaps you should be more upset with yourself," she finally said.

"Excuse me?" I couldn't believe she had the nerve to even suggest it.

"Well, keep in mind, Quinn, that you were the one who made the choice to lie to Finn," Rachel said, starting to talk in her super-quick way.

I cut her off before she could really get going. "And it was my choice when to tell him, not yours. Don't try to turn this back on me. You told Finn because you think you're in love with him, not for his sake."

This made her angry – she looked up and threw a glare at me. "Personal accusations aside, what do you have to say to me?" she said sharply.

"Personal accusations aside? Nothing. But I have a lot to say, and you're going to listen. You owe me at least that much." I quickly rubbed my eyes before my furious tears could escape.

"Alright," she said after a second, looking back down. Even she couldn't argue with that.

"You are such a hypocrite. I've heard what you say about me. You tell everyone how nice I am, once you get to know me, and how much you wish we were friends. Is this how you make friends? Is this how you treat everyone you think is nice?"

"No."

"Then explain to me how you can excuse your behavior. How? How do you match up your actions with your supposedly flawless moral code? Tell me, Rachel." I spat out her name. "Explain that to me. I'm dying to know, really."

"Please believe me when I say I did not intend for this to happen," Rachel said rapidly in a low voice.

"What else did you think would happen?"

"I knew he'd be upset, but I didn't think-"

"That's exactly your problem. You didn't think. And now I have to find someone else to help me raise my child." I put emphasis on the last word to make her feel extra guilty. True, I'd told Mr. Shu's wife I'd give her the baby, but I might change my mind. Even pregnancy would be almost impossible to do by myself. But now I was going to have to try, thanks to her. Just thinking about it made me shiver with rage. "I'm trying to keep my life together, despite what happened, but you just made that nearly impossible. How do you feel about that? Are you happy you got your way? Finn's going to run to your arms for comfort. I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted."

"No, I'm not, I didn't mean to... I mean, I thought he would-"

"Don't. Don't even try to tell me you thought of anyone but yourself. If you even try, I'll throw up. And not just because I'm pregnant."

"Then what would you like me to say?" Finally, Rachel didn't sound smug anymore.

"Tell me the truth. I want to hear it from your mouth," I said, staring straight at her. "Were you really thinking of me, or anyone?"

Rachel hesitated, then said tearfully, "I wasn't, alright? I thought Finn should know that the only thing holding him to you was a lie, so he could make his own decisions about who to be with. Is that so wrong?"

"Yes! Yes, that's wrong. Wait, the _only thing_ holding us together?" I said in disbelief. "The only thing? We dated for a year. That isn't nothing. You can't presume to know more about our relationship than we do. you don't know better than we do. Did," I had to correct myself, and it hurt, so bad I thought my heart would stop.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be sorry! And I can't even make you pay for it, because there is _nothing_ I can do to you that will hurt you as much as you hurt me tonight." Then I really was crying, but I wouldn't let my voice show it, wouldn't make any noise.

"Quinn, I'm sorry," she said again, and she was crying, too.

"No, you're not. Not yet. But I'm going to make you sorry. Even if I can't ever make you hurt enough, I can try," I said grimly.

"What are you going to do to me?" Rachel asked. Her voice shook and for a second, I was savagely happy she was scared of me. She should've been – in that moment, I wasn't sure what I was capable of. But then I made myself focus, and my rage cooled into ice in my heart.

"I told you you'd never have him. I guess that's not true anymore, so fine. You can have him. You're welcome to him even, but know this, Rachel Berry. One look at Puck and I will end you, do you understand me? You stay away from any boy I ever date. I will not repeat history. Do you understand me?"

"Completely."

"Good. I'm not going to let a dwarf run my life," I muttered.

Rachel didn't argue with that comment. "So, um, should I take you to your house now?"

"No. I got kicked out when my parents found out I was pregnant. I was living with Finn, but I'm pretty sure that's ruined now, too, thanks to you."

There was a brief silence. "I'm sure you don't want to, but seeing as this entire situation is my fault, I'd be happy to offer you my house as a temporary means of accommodation," Rachel said in a low voice.

Rachel's house was maybe the last place I'd like to be. I was so incredibly pissed at her, I thought I might explode if I had to stay anywhere near her. But I couldn't go back to Finn's. For a second, I almost shoved that answer straight back down her throat. The fact of the matter, though, was that I couldn't afford to. I also couldn't bring myself to say yes, so I muttered, "I don't know. I might be staying with Santana or Puck." Right as I said that, my phone buzzed. It was Santana, apologizing for having o say no – her abuela was babysitting, and she wouldn't let anyone come over. "Make that just Puck."

"Quinn." She glanced at me, and I could see mascara streaked down her face. "While I may have wished any number of unfortunate occurrences on your relationship with Finn Hudson, I never wanted any injury to happen to you individually. I would be honored if you'd come stay at my house tonight," she said seriously.

It was tempting. "I hope you're not making this offer because you think it'll make me like you," I warned.

"Not in the least," she shook her head. "I feel terrible about what I did, and maybe in some small way, this might begin to make up for what I did. I am so sincerely sorry."

I stopped her. "I don't want to hear your apologies. But I'll take you up on the offer. Thank you," I forced myself to say.

"You're quite welcome," she said, beginning to get excited.

"As long as you understand that I don't have any other choice," I added, before she got all Rachel-y again.

She nodded solemnly. "Right. Of course." She turned on the car, then hesitantly asked, "Do you have any belongings or something that you need me to pick up?"

Somehow, I figured dropping by Finn's house would be a bad idea right now. "No," I said. "Just go."

I could tell Rachel wanted to say something, but didn't, thankfully. She drove carefully, like the goody two-shoes she was. It took twice as long as it should have to get to her house, but I kept my mouth shut. I'd try to keep blatantly hostile acts to a minimum.

Her house was small, but very tastefully decorated, which fit, I guess, with her two gay dads. They were already in bed when we walked in, but they both got up to help Rachel get a bed ready for me. Hiram put on a robe, while Leroy ran around in his burgundy silk pajamas, bringing me everything he could think of and encouraging me to sit and rest.

It was pretty obvious that Rachel had let them in on my little secret, but I found myself not minding it that much. Neither of her dads seemed to care that I was a pregnant sixteen-year-old. They were both just excited for me, and concerned for my health. And even though I was still furious with Rachel, I couldn't be mad at her dads. They were both just so nice. It was a big change from how my parents operated. Even stranger was the fact that I liked it.

They set me up on the floor of Rachel's room on a roll-out mattress with sickeningly pink sheets and a pillow so soft, it felt like a cloud. I changed into a pair of Rachel's adorable but childish pajamas, and ate one of Leroy's delicious blueberry muffins – "They're delicious _and_ nutritious," he informed me, "as well as being good for both of you." He added that last part with a motion towards my stomach, but for the first time, I didn't feel judged when someone did that. I felt safe, taken care of, and almost comfortable.

Rachel stayed out of the way; that was probably a big part of the comfortable thing. After we walked in, she didn't say more than a dozen words to me. I saw her pull Hiram aside an had a discrete conversation with him, but she didn't get involved in their efforts to make me comfortable. I wasn't unreasonably angry enough to not appreciate that. Actually, as time went on, I found myself getting less angry and more heartbroken. I guess it took till then for it to sink in exactly how much I'd just lost.

That's why, when Hiram and Leroy went back to bed and Rachel was writing in her jeweled diary with an over-sized pen, I stopped being angry and was finally just sad. I felt hollow inside, like the part of me that loved him had shriveled up and died. I'd never felt anything like that before – but then, I'd never loved anyone like that before.

I had told myself repeatedly that I wasn't going to cry in front of Rachel, but I couldn't work up the energy to get up and run to the bathroom. So I tried to cry silently, maybe let a few tears escape to make myself feel better. Instead, I accidentally ended up sobbing so hard it made me shake. Suddenly, the fact hit me that I was alone now. Without Finn, I had nobody.

I tried to stop, I really did, but I couldn't, as embarrassed as I was. Rachel determinedly didn't look over at me, though I could practically feel how much she wanted to. I heard the sound of her writing first get quicker, then slow down and stop. Still, she didn't come over to me, thank God, or I would've said something I'd regret.

I cried for a couple minutes until I finally forced all of those tears back down inside, wiped my eyes on the blanket covering me. I'd curled up on my side while I cried. Now I uncurled, putting my hand briefly on the hard lump of the baby inside me, and sat up. Silently, Rachel leaned over and held a box of tissues out to me. I hesitated, then took several and wiped my nose and eyes. I cleared my throat. "Thanks."

"Of course."

I risked a glance up at her – she was looking down at her bed, so I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I went to lie back down, but she spoke. "Quinn, I am so sorry."

"It's a little late for that, isn't it," I said bitterly. "And I thought I was a self-centered bitch."

I meant to hurt her, and I did, but Rachel kept going. "And you have every right to be angry at me as long as you want-"

"How about forever?"

"If that's how long it takes," she said after a second. Against my will, I had to respect that. "But I don't hate you. And if you ever get to the point where you want to be friends with me, just say the word. I'll always be waiting."

It took me a second to find my voice. "Does that speech usually work on people?" I asked, trying to sound hard, because I was angry at her, but it was hard to remember that right then.

"I've never had to use it before," she said solemnly. "You tell me."

"Well, I'm not going to kill you. That's a step forward, I guess." For some reason, saying that made me want to cry again, then made me actually cry again. and this time, Rachel go out of bed and knelt next to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. I tried to slip away but she won't let me. And for some reason, that just made me cry more. Rachel doesn't try to stop me or make excuses. She just stayed with me there until my tears ran out, then gave me the tissues again.

I would never understand her; first her unbelievable cruelty earlier, and now an equally huge amount of kindness. The only explanation I could think of was that she truly was as clueless as she claimed to be. Either that or she was a complete sociopath, but somehow, I doubted the second one.

"You can stay here as long as you want," she said once I'd calmed down.

"Why? Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? Guilt?" I asked, this time not to hurt her but because I wanted to figure it out.

"Partially," she admitted. "But also because I'd always be nice to you, if I had the opportunity. I understand that we exist in different social strata, but a person in pain always transcends that. There's a place here for you whenever you need it, even if we're locked in some kind of leadership battle of titan proportions."

She shut her mouth when I put my arms around her and gave her a quick hug. "Stop talking," I said abruptly, not trusting myself to look at her. "You're making my baby cry."


End file.
